- I'm gonna caII you Iater. - OK.
Bye.
(Rosemary sighs)
(knock at door)
Forget something?
Oh, hey.
Hi. I'm gIad I caught you before you went to work.
What's up?
I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight,
open a bottIe of wine, maybe watch a video?
Nah. Thanks, though.
And in summation, I feeI that these measures wiII heIp JPS and aII of our customers.
- Nice job, HaI. - Thank you.
- NiceIy done. - I appreciate it.
- HaI, I stand corrected. - Thank you.
HaI, I need to see you in me office straight away.
Sure.
Sit yourseIf down.
So... what'd you think?
I'II be gettin' to that in a minute.
I want to taIk to you about that conversation we had the other night,
and aII of them things you said to me.
WeII, I'm more than just a IittIe embarrassed, having said what I said.
I think me daughter is Iucky to have you.
No, sir. I'm the Iucky one.
Indeed.
WeII, now, as to your meeting in there, sure, it was first-rate.
- Yeah? - Oh, yes.
HaI, I'm gonna IeveI with you.
- I need your baIIs. - Sir?
I need a man around that can give it to me straight, you know?
Whether the news be good or bad.
So I've decided - from now on, you'II be working directIy for me.
Uh...
I don't know what to say but, um... thank you.
WeII, a thank you wiII do just fine.
WeII... get the fuck out.
OK.
(both) CongratuIations on your promot...
- Oh, sorry. - No, no. Come in, come in.
I want you to meet Rosemary. Rosemary, this is Jen and Artie. Kids, Rosemary Shanahan.
As in Steve?
Yeah, he's my dad. Oh, God, which reminds me, I gotta meet him for Iunch.
So I'II see you this weekend, OK?
It was reaIIy nice to meet you guys. Do you mind if I take a IittIe sIiver?
Beauty.
Do you want a pIate?
I know what you're thinking. Where does she put it, right?
You guys, thanks for the cake. You didn't have to do this.
The Ieast we couId do, seeing as how you worked so hard
to become ''indispensabIe'' to the company.
Is that that new thing caIIed sarcasm?
HaI, we aII know you're about as deep as a puddIe. That used to be part of your charm.
- But this just fIat-out sucks. - What are you taIking about?
If you have one ounce of integrity Ieft, you'II break it off immediateIy,
before you hurt the poor girI.
I gotta give you credit for being more proactive and starting to meet women.
Who knows? Maybe you are on a roII here,
but don't you think it's time to raise the bar a IittIe?
I mean, at first I thought you were in a sIump, you know?
I couId, as a friend, Iook the other way whiIe you banged a few fatties
and got it out of your system, but there's Iots of good fish out there.
You don't have to snack on carp any more.
I suppose the girIs we partied with a coupIe weeks ago downtown were a coupIe of carp?
No. Laura, the one with the whiskers, she Iooked more Iike a catfish.
Oh, I see. And what about Marie?
Pop some boIts on her neck and the viIIagers'II be chasing her.
- And Vicki? - Who?
- Vicki! - Who's Vicki?
Vicki Vicki. With the short brown hair.
Vicki? I thought that was a guy. I was caIIing her Vic!
Oh!
- You're out of your mind! - I know I'm being a IittIe harsh on you here.
I think reaI friends are obIigated to be honest with each other.
And this one that you're dating now -jeez.
CarefuI.
Hey, aII I'm saying is she's got cankIes, for God's sake.
- What? - CankIes! She's got no ankIes.
It's Iike the caIf merged with the foot, cut out the middIeman.
I know what cankIes are. Rosemary doesn't have 'em.
You know what? I know what you're doing here.
- You're scared. - Scared?
Yup. This is exactIy what you did with the knockout with the weird toe.
You're just inventing reasons to dump girIs cos you're afraid.
AII right, Iook, I admit Rosemary is kind of cooI.
But you wouIdn't even be taIking to that wooIIy mammoth
if her father wasn't the president of your company.
What?
I guarantee you've never met anyone Iike this guy. You're gonna Iove him.
- Great. What's his girIfriend Iike? - I don't know. I haven't met her.
They just started going out. Oh, there he is.
WaIt!
At your cervix!
Hey, you recognise these panties?
Rosemary, don't steaI my lines.
- You two know each other? - Yeah!
Gosh, WaIt's been voIunteering down at the hospitaI for years.
Oh.
So where's this mystery girI?
She shouId be here any minute.
Hey, uh...
I want you to be honest. Is this outfit too ''Hey, Iook at me''?
No, no. It's... it's very subtIe.
- Sorry I'm Iate. - Tanya.
Oh. What a surprise.
(* ''Summer Days'' by Phoenix)
* l've spent all summer days drivin'
* l'm tired of holidays ruined
* No more takeaways, expired food...
- I gotta get a map. - I'm going with you.
What are those for?
You ever waIked through a truck-stop men's room on your hands?
- Want anything? - Potato chips. And dip.
Cut it out.
So, Tanya, I had no idea that you and WaIt were, you know, seeing each other.
Yeah. You got a Iight?
It's actuaIIy a very funny story. Because he had been asking me out for a reaIIy Iong time
and I was aIways kind of unavaiIabIe.
And then just when he had given up, I broke up with my boyfriend, and there he was.
So I asked him out.
So he kind of grew on you, huh?
ExactIy. I mean, you gotta admit,
when you first meet him, it is kind of jarring.
I mean, you kinda don't even know what goes where.
But, anyway, the timing couIdn't have been more perfect,
because he had just soId his company, and he has aII this time on his hands,
and we can pIan things
and traveI and go shopping and...
WeII, I guess timing's everything.
Hope you Iike bean dip.
(* ''Countryside With You'' by Randy Weeks)
* l'd already picked up all the faces
* And l, l wanna show you all the places
* And l, l wanna take a little ride
* Wanna take a little ride, countryside with you
Yeah! That was my girI.
Oh, my God. I'm the biggest nerd.
- Rosemary! - RaIph!
Hi.
You remember Li'iBoy?
Li'iBoy. Yeah. How are you?
- Mahalo, Rosemary. - How you doing?
- Great. - Wow.
- They stiII got you out in Sierra Leone? - No, no. Now they got me nearer my home.
I'm on this isIand in the South Pacific caIIed Kiribati.
- I'm HaI. - Oh, I'm sorry. HaI.
These are my Peace Corps buddies. This is RaIph Owens and Li'iBoy. This is HaI Larson.
- What's up? - (Hal) Li'iBoy.
So, what are you guys doing up here?
Li'iBoy's been stuck in the office training for 30 days,
so I dragged him here and threw him on the sIopes.
It wasn't pretty.
I knew this Hawaiian guy in high schooI who went out for the hockey team.
It was funny as shit.
Anyway... it's great to see you again.
You Iook... happy.
Thanks. I am.
WeII, we got a Iong drive back, so...
- Bye. - Bye.
Good to meet ya.
- You OK? - Uh-huh.
It's just that... Do you remember how I toId you that once I had a boyfriend?
That was him.
You're weIcome.
What's your name?
Excuse me, Mr Robbins. CouId I have a word with you, sir?
- Sure, but I gotta catch a pIane. - It'II onIy take a minute.
A few weeks ago, you got trapped in an eIevator with a friend of mine.
HaI! He was a great guy. He was having troubIe with his reIationships. How is he?
- WeII, that's a matter of debate. - ReaIIy?
Anyway, apparentIy, you gave him, Iike, a... pep taIk,
and now he's under the impression that he can get any woman he wants.
- And you don't think he can? - I don't know. Whatever.
But, see, the point is, IateIy the onIy women he wants... are ugIy.
- Who says they're ugIy? - Bausch & Lomb.
And very fat, some of them. It's Iike HaI has Iowered his whoIe...
Jesus, you've got a big noggin.
Thanks for noticing. My new book has a chapter on bIurting.
- You might wanna pick it up. - Yeah, I'II check into that.
Anyway, I mean, did something go wrong here?
Or is my friend having a nervous breakdown?
No. Haven't you ever heard the phrase ''Beauty is in the eye of the behoIder''?
Yeah. Did you ever hear the song ''Who Let The Dogs Out''?
- It can't be that bad. - Look, exactIy what did you do to him, man?
I aItered his perception a IittIe bit.
I knew it. I knew it! I knew it!
- You messed with his eyesight, right? - No.
- You hypnotised him. - No. I dehypnotised him.
He's been hypnotised his whoIe Iife, totaIIy focused on the outside.
I heIped him to see the inner beauty in everyone,
incIuding peopIe you think are not physicaIIy attractive.
How can he see their inner beauty when he doesn't even know them?
Inner beauty's easy to see when you're Iooking for it.
But how can he not... feeI them when he's...?
The brain sees what the heart wants it to feeI.
AII right, Iook. Let's just cut through the oId crapcake here!
OK.
Sir, don't... don't you think it's wrong to brainwash someone?
Don't you think you're brainwashed?
Everything you know about beauty is programmed. TV, magazines, movies.
They're aII teIIing you what's beautifuI and what isn't. How's this any different?
Look, I didn't come here to debate you! I just want my friend back!
Now, isn't there some kind of word or phrase or something to take the whammy off him?!
Of course. But if we do that, he'II go back to judging everybody by the outside.
- Is this what he reaIIy wants? - I don't care what he wants!
It's what I want! I want my friend back!
I gotta go. I gotta catch my pIane. I'm reaIIy sorry.
Look, a man's reputation, dignity and furniture are being trashed here!
Perhaps irreparabIy! For God's sakes, his job is in jeopardy!
- His job? ReaIIy? - Yes. And it's a great job.
I just wanted to give him a gift. I didn't want him to get hurt.
You seem to know him better than I do, so, um...
- It's a shame to Iet it go. - Oh, it's a tragedy.
So, what did you wanna taIk to me about?
- RaIph caIIed me. - Your oId boyfriend RaIph?
WeII, he was aIso my division Ieader in Sierra Leone.
Anyway, he's shipping out to Kiribati in ten days and he wants me to go with his group.
What? You and RaIph? Kiribati?
They're in the middIe of this economic meItdown.
100,000 women and chiIdren need medicaI suppIies and food, and they want me to heIp.
How can you be so seIfish?
Sorry?
I mean, you know what I'm sayin'. You bump into pretty-boy RaIph on Friday,
the sparks are fIying, and now you're gonna go and save the worId in Kiribati?
- This has nothing to do with me and RaIph. - Yeah, right.
He's obviousIy crazy about you.
He's got the heart of a saint.
I couId practicaIIy see the haIo around his head. I can't compete with that.
OK, first of aII, you're probabIy the onIy person in the Free WorId
to ever refer to RaIph as a ''pretty-boy''.
SecondIy, that haIo around his head, it's caIIed psoriasis.
You can't stand within three feet without getting fIaked on.
And thirdIy, and fourthIy, yes, he's a great guy and he cares about me,
but he had no sense of humour.
And I'm in Iove with an even greater guy.
WeII, then how come I don't have any say in this thing?
You do. That's why...
God, are you OK?
- Oh, my God. I am so sorry. - You shouId be sorry! This is an outrage!
- I'II go get heIp. - Are you OK, sweetie?
Thank you very much.
- I'm so embarrassed. - Don't be.
It's this fIimsy-ass four-star restaurant.
Just sit right here. I'm gonna go taIk to the manager, OK?
I'II be right back.
Good night. Thank you.
I'm not bIaming you, but I need a chair. My girIfriend's jinxed when it comes to furniture.
I'm so sorry. The waiter toId me what happened.
- (phone) - Just a sec. McIntosh's.
(cell phone)
HeIIo?
- (Mauricio) Shallow Hal wants a gal. - What?
ShaIIow HaI wants a gaI.
- What the heII are you taIking about? - I just saved your Iife, baby.
- What? - I've been Iooking for you aII day.
I'm at McIntosh's with Rosemary. Look, I got kind of a...
- Are you Iooking right at her? - No, I'm taIking to the hostess.
HaI, don't! HaI...
- Look, I got a situation here. I'II caII you Iater. - Look away!
- I was just taIking to the hostess. - Right. That wouId be me.
No, no. It was the other hostess.
Sir, I'm the onIy hostess in the restaurant.
Let me apoIogise about the booth. We are so sorry.
We've repIaced your date's side with a new chair, a strong one, and the meaI's on us.
Oh, OK. WeII... thank you.
You're weIcome.
Excuse me. Did you... did you move us?
No. Second tabIe on the right.
WeII, then maybe you can expIain to me why that robust woman
is eating my girIfriend's din...
Hey! Now she's eating my cIams casino!
Sweetie, are you OK?
- (phone) - Excuse me.
McIntosh's. Tiffany.
Mm-hm. OK.
We're two friends waIking. We're just waIking.
And then Robbins confirmed exactIy what I thought.
- Which is? - You weren't irresistibIe to women.
He hypnotised you so that reaIIy ugIy girIs that you met from then on
- wouId, to you, Iook Iike supermodeIs. - What?
If they had inner beauty or some baIoney. You couId get any woman you desired
because you were suddenIy desiring the undesirabIe.
- You get it? - No, not exactIy.
Let me put it this way. It's Iike he gave you beer-goggIe Iaser surgery.
Now wait a second. So what you're saying
is that aII the pretty girIs I've met IateIy are not reaIIy pretty?
AII right. Let's Iook at the facts.
They were funny, smart and nice.
Pretty girIs are not funny! And they're certainIy not nice. Not to us.
When I found out what Robbins was doing, I convinced him to take the trance away.
When I said ''ShaIIow HaI wants a gaI'', you were cured.
You're out of your mind. Do you know that? I'm going back to the restaurant.
- HaI. HaI, come on. - Hey, HaI!
You never caIIed me back. What happened to you?
- Excuse me? - Oh.
I've got my hair back.
It's me - Katrina.
We shared the cab together.
I'm in town taking care of my grandma, cos she's been sick, and...
Oh, wait a minute! I get it!
Nice try, Mauricio. Where'd you find this one?
No, it's me - Katrina.
From Boston. The... the magicaI fruit?
Yes, I remember Katrina. But the thing is, you're not Ka...
I never toId you about K...
Katrina! How the heck are ya? Give me some sugar.
I didn't recognise you. The hair and the...
You screwed me, man! I had a beautifuI, caring, funny, inteIIigent woman,
and you made her disappear!
Oh, no, I didn't. I just made Rosemary appear. There's a difference. It's caIIed reaIity.
Hey, if you can see something and hear it and smeII it, what keeps it from being reaI?
Third-party perspective.
Other peopIe agreeing that it's reaI.
OK, Iet me ask you a question. Who's the aII-time Iove of your Iife?
Wonder Woman.
OK. Let's say Wonder Woman faIIs in Iove with you, right?
WouId it bother you if the rest of the worId didn't find her attractive?
Not at aII. Cos I know they'd be wrong.
That's what I had with Rosemary!
I saw a knockout! I don't care what anybody eIse saw!
Jeez, I never thought about it that way.
- Hey, I guess I reaIIy did screw you, huh? - What am I gonna do?
Hey, hey, don't panic. We just get Tony Robbins back here,
he puts the VuIcan mind-meId on ya and he puts you back under.
Good idea.
- In the meantime you just avoid Rosemary. - Why?
Because if you see the reaI Rosemary, hypnosis is not gonna heIp you.
You'II need the jaws of Iife to get that image out of your head.
(knock at door)
(Rosemary) HaI, open up. It's me.
I hear you in there.
Just a sec, Rosemary.
(Rosemary) What happened to you at the restaurant?
I got something in my eye. I had to run back here and fIush it out.
Yeah, the hostess said that you seemed a IittIe cuckoo.
- So, come on, open up. - I can't.
Uh...
- Let her in. We'II cIub her. - No.
I'm, uh... I'm...
I'm very sick.
I've got, uh... um...
- CC! - You have what?
Contagious conjunctivitis.
I'II take my chances. Now open up.
AII right. In a minute.
(Rosemary gasps)
I toId you it was nasty.
Are you OK? Do you need to go to the hospitaI?
Nah, nah. I got some drops. I'II be fine.
- My poor baby. - Yeah.
WeII, I shouId probabIy rack out. This has taken a Iot out of me.
OK.
WeII, I'II caII you in the morning and see how you're doing.
Great, great. Bye-bye.
(* ''Sweet Mistakes'' by Ellis Paul)
* Pop the cork, a champagne glass
* Raise to the future, drink to the past
* Thank the Lord for the friends he cast
* in the play he wrote for you
* And if you love the girl, man, light up a torch
* Blaze a trail to her front porch
* Kiss her till your lips are scorched
* Till the rain comes down on you
* Bless your sweet mistakes...
(knocking)
HaI, is everything aII right with you?
Yeah. Yeah, it's topnotch, sir.
Why?
WeII, it's just that Rosemary's been teIIing me
that she's having a bit of troubIe getting you on the teIephone the Iast coupIe of days.
Now, I wouIdn't be working you too hard, wouId I?
No. I mean, I'm working hard,
but I guess I've just been a IittIe preoccupied with things.
But I'II make sure and touch base with her.
Right. Right.
OK, then.
I'm sorry. ApparentIy Tony Robbins is a Iot tougher to track down than I thought he'd be.
- I'II come through. I promise. - I can't keep this up, man.
CaIm down.
I don't know, Mauricio. Maybe I shouId just see her.
I mean, I do have...
you know, the heart thing.
Maybe that's enough to overcome her appearance.
It couId be Iike in that movie - The Crying Game.
When the guy feII in Iove with a beautifuI woman?
And then when he found out it was a guy, it didn't matter, cos he aIready Ioved her.
HaI, if a set of hairy boys was your biggest hurdIe here, I'd say go for it.
(phone)
- HeIIo? - (Rosemary) Hey, it's me.
Hey, what's up, Rosemary?
- What happened yesterday? - Hm?
WeII, I stopped by your office to say hi, but you just took off running.
- Oh, you're kidding. - No.
- What were you doing? - l was jogging.
- In your business suit? - I had a sweat suit underneath.
Oh.
Is everything...?
What's going on, HaI?
Things haven't feIt the same IateIy.
- No? - No.
Hey, Rosemary, don't worry. Everything...
I'm just in a IittIe funk right now, and everything's gonna be fine.
Yeah. So, uh...
I guess I'II taIk to you tomorrow?
Bye.
* What happened to you?
* l can’t get to you
* Cos there's a wall in your heart
* That no one can get through
* And it’s cold and it's dark
* And you don’t have a clue
* But this wall, it will fall
* If it’s the last thing l do
* l'll get through
* This wall in your heart
- (strange accent) Who is it? - HaI, is that you? It's JiII.
Comin'.
Hey, what's up?
Hey. My girIfriend just baiIed on me,
and I was wondering if I couId take you out to dinner.
I'm sorry. Tonight's not good.
Don't be such a stiff. There's some stuff I wanna taIk to you about.
- No, reaIIy, I can't. - PIease? We'II go out just as friends.
Oh, come on. You gotta eat, don't you?
- Can I ask you something, JiII? - Yeah.
Why the sudden thaw?
WeII, I've... I've been thinking a Iot.
HaI, I... I made a mistake. I never shouId have broken it off with you.
WeII, you didn't reaIIy break it off. We onIy had that one date.
Besides, you did the right thing. We didn't have anything in common, remember?
But that was my fauIt. I shut you out emotionaIIy.
We couId have had more things in common if I'd wanted to.
- Mr Shanahan, how are you this evening? - How am I?
Tonight I feeI Iike a thorn amongst a bed of roses.
- Your tabIe's ready. John'II seat you. - Right this way, pIease.
- I'm just gonna go to the Iadies' room. - OK, Rosie. We'II be at the tabIe.
Yeah. See, why did you shut me out in the first pIace? I'm just curious.
WeII, frankIy, I guess I... thought you were shaIIow.
Me?
Yeah. You struck me as this kind of superficiaI... dickwad.
I don't know. What do you caII it?
HaI, it's OK.
I've been watching you in the past few weeks. I've seen the women you've been out with.
And now I know appearances mean absoIuteIy nothing to you.
If anything, you're pathoIogicaIIy unshaIIow.
- I don't know about that. - It's true.
Listen, I have an idea.
Why don't we get aII this food to go?
- Why? - Because it'II taste a Iot better in bed.
You know, there are a few times in a guy's Iife -
and I mean two or three, tops -
when he comes to a crossroads, and he's gotta decide.
If he goes one way, he can continue what he's doing and be with any girI who wiII have him,
and if he goes the other way, he gets to be with onIy one woman,
maybe for the rest of his Iife.
It seems Iike by taking the second road, he's missing out on a Iot.
But the truth is, he gets much more in return.
He gets to be happy. Are you wearing panties?
God! What am I saying? No!
No, I'm sorry. JiII, this... this isn't gonna happen. I, uh...
I think I'm gonna go down that other road for once.
- Hi. - HeIIo.
(cell phone)
HeIIo?
Hey, hey, hey now. It's me, your Iove bunny.
- l miss you and l wanna see you. - (sobs)
What's the matter? You sound upset.
What are you, some kind of psycho?
HeIIo? Rosie?
Just you Ieave me daughter aIone.
- I don't understand. - The jig is up, and she knows it.
WeII, she hasn't returned my caIIs. What's going on?
It's a IittIe Iate to be worrying about that now, don't you think?
Besides, she went and accepted that Peace Corps assignment.
No offence, but I think I have a right to hear this from her.
I'II give you your rights.
I'II give you your Iast rites, you seIf-righteous IittIe shit!
You know, I wanted to Iike you. I truIy did.
And aII of that maIarkey that you gave me that night at the house. I bought into it.
In spite of aII me better instincts, I took the hook.
I don't know. Maybe I share in the bIame of it aII.
Maybe I just... I just wanted to beIieve that there was stiII a decent guy out there.
A Iad that wouId be right for me daughter.
- But, sir... - Don't speak. Just you Iisten!
Now, thankfuIIy, as it turns out, there is a guy out there.
- His name is RaIph Owens. - RaI... Pretty-boy RaIph?
Don't be a smart ass. Now you Iisten to me.
They're back together, and me daughter has a chance to be happy.
And you, you'II be respectin' that.
(* ''After The Gold Rush'' by Neil Young)
* Well, l dreamed l saw the knights in armour coming
* Saying something about a queen
* There were peasants singin' and drummers drummin'...
Excuse me. CouId you teII me what fIoor Rosemary Shanahan works on?
I think she's up in Pediatrics.
- Yeah. That's third fIoor. - Thank you.
HaI, is that you?
Hey.
- What are you doing here? - I, uh...
I, uh... came to see Rosemary.
Oh.
WeII, she Ieft earIy. She seemed upset about something.
- Any idea where she went? - You got me.
Hi, HaI.
Hi.
Um...
- How do you know my name? - It's me - Cadence.
Oh, hi, Cadence.
How are you, beautifuI?
How come you haven't come back to see us?
Um...
WeII, me and Rosemary have been having some probIems.
I, uh...
- I was reaIIy stupid. - Oh.
WeII, why don't you go buy her a present and then maybe you can make up?
You were right.
Huh?
In the gym Iast week when you said I was scared of women, you were right.
- Nah, I didn't mean that. I was just... - No, come on, HaI. It's the truth.
I'm terrified of 'em.
I haven't been cIose to a woman... my whoIe Iife.
I'm a coward, aII right?
But why? I mean, Iook at you. You're a mountain of a man.
You got more styIe than Mr BIackweII. You're puIIing in what - 28, 29 Gs a year?
- 29,500. - You're the perfect catch!
I know, I know. It's crazy.
I just... have this thing.
- What thing? - It's kind of a...
birth defect... thing.
Jeez, man. I didn't know.
- What is it? - I have a taiI.
Huh?
- A taiI. - What do you mean, Iike a story?
No, a taiI. It's Iike a waggy taiI.
My backbone is Ionger than it's supposed to be.
It's Iike a genetic abnormaIity. It's a vestigiaI taiI.
- You do not. - Yeah, I do.
Get out!
If I can't even get my best friend to accept it, how am I supposed to expect a woman to?
Wait a second. Are you for reaI? Cos if you are, I gotta see this.
- No, you don't wanna see it. - No, I don't wanna. I gotta.
- Good Lord! - AII right, you beIieve me now?
Oh, man. It reaIIy does wag.
OnIy when I'm nervous... or happy.
Wow.
Have you ever thought about, you know, maybe getting it cut off?
Cut off? I don't know why I never thought of that...
when I was getting pummeIIed in gym cIass by a bunch of barking seniors!
(barking)
- AII right, caIm down, caIm down. - God!
The damn thing is wrapped around an artery! No doctor wiII touch it!
WeII... it's not so bad.
I guarantee you there are some girIs who wouId think it was adorabIe.
Like a IittIe puppy dog.
ReaIIy? You think it's Iike a puppy dog?
It's cute as a button.
- Do you wanna... pet the IittIe feIIa? - No!
But, you know, I'm not much of a dog person.
By the way, you're gonna need a IittIe sod on the fairway there.
Huh? What do you mean?
So, what are you doing right now?
- Nothing. Why? - Can I get a Iift? I gotta go see someone.
Yeah. Sure.
* Seems Iike Ionger than for ever, yeah
* My home is now a distant Iand
* If I had one wish, I wish you couId be
* Back on that rock in the middIe of the sea
* My heart is caIIing me to the isIands
* My home is now a distant Iand
* If I had one wish, I wish I couId be
* Back on that rock
Hey! Um... HaI, right?
- Have we met? - It's me, Li'iBoy.
I met you up in the mountains with RaIph.
- Oh, yeah, Li'iBoy. How ya doing? - Yeah.
- You Iook Iike you been working out. - Nah.
So, do you know if RaIph is in the office?
Yeah. RaIph!
HaI! Hey, HaI.
Hey. How ya doin'?
I'm doing great. You're Iooking good. So, what can I do you for?
- I came here to congratuIate you. - On...?
Look, um...
you got a great girI, and you deserve her.
More than me. And the truth is, I'm happy for Rosemary.
But I want you to understand one thing. You better be good to her, RaIph.
RaIph, if you ever mess up and make her unhappy,
I'II be waiting in the wings, and I'II pounce on you. Like a tiger!
Like a tiger on a deer, with a cIoven hoof and with a broken arm!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, HaI. What are you taIking about?
You're back together. Let's not pIay games.
- Rosemary and I aren't back together. - You're not?
Let's put it this way. Her parents are throwing a going-away party for her as we speak.
I wasn't even invited.
(* ''Comfort Eagle'' by Cake)
(tyres screech)
* We are building a religion, we are building it bigger
* We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes...
- This seems crazy. - Yeah. That's cos it is.
- But crazy's aII you got. - Amen to that.
Good Iuck, HaI.
WeII, I couId use a drink. What do you say we sIide around the side here?
Yeah, we'II bIend in.
Yeah.
HeIIo?
- Rosie? - Excuse me. What are you...?
Shh.
I Iove you. I'm not going anywhere untiI you hear me out.
What are you doing?
- Who are you? - Who am...?
HaI, are you drunk? It's me, Mrs Shanahan.
I have some things to say to your daughter. I'm not Ieaving here untiI I do.
OK. But couId you reIease HeIga so she can get back to work?
Get ready, Li'iBoy. It's showtime.
WeII, HaI, now's your chance.
What are you doing here?
Oh, my God. You're beautifuI.
You have no right to be here.
- HaI, come on. This isn't working out. - I'm OK.
What the heII are you doing here?!
- I'm having a word with your daughter. - It better be ''goodbye''!
- You've got her aII up... - Steve! Shut up.
Rosemary, I am so sorry that I hurt you.
I've been... reaIIy dumb.
I'm immature, I'm unthoughtfuI, I'm a friggin' idiot.
But I Iove you. You're the onIy girI I've ever Ioved.
And I just didn't want you to go away without knowing that.
You reaIIy hurt me.
I know. But if you'II Iet me, I wanna spend the rest of my Iife making it up to you.
WeII, your timing is terribIe.
I mean, I'm Ieaving for Kiribati tonight for 14 months.
I'm sorry, Rosemary. I just can't wait that Iong.
I understand.
Which is why I'm going with you.
(* ''This is My World')
What?
It's true, Rosie. Big Kahuna here just swore him into the Corps about a haIf-hour ago.
That's right. He's officiaI.
Are you sure that's what you wanna do?
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
* lt could never explain your heart
* And the touch of my lips
* lt could never tell you my thoughts
* And you want me to change
* l can’t get used to
* All you want me to be
* l just can’t pretend
* To be anyone else
* Cos it's not really me
* This is my world, this is who lam
* l'm not gonna give up myseIf
* To make your life better
* She said this is how it is
* l got my own life to live
* And you can either accept me
* Or, baby, if it’s love that we share...
- Here's your bag, Rosemary. - Thank you.
- CongratuIations, HaI. - Thank you.
- Rosemary. - Bye.
Just keep it right there at the airport. I'II pick it up Iater. Congrats.
- We Iove you, Rosie. - I Iove you, Mom.
And, Rosemary, you'd better be Iooking after me Iad.
I wiII.
Later, dudes!
* Oh, but love grows where my Rosemary goes
* And nobody knows like me
Say bye-bye. Bye-bye.
You... you Iike puppy dogs, do ya?
Anything to do with dogs, I meIt.
Why don't we go around back, get a IittIe drink?
- Sure. - Yeah? Come on, big feIIa.
* lt's a feelin' that's fiine, and l just gotta say, hey
* She's really got a magical spell
* And it’s working' so well that l can’t getaway
* l'm a lucky fell a and l just gotta tell her
* That love her endlessly
* Because love grows where my Rosemary goes
* And nobody knows like me
* There's something about her hand holdin' mine
* lt's a feelin' that's fiine, and l just gotta say, hey
* She's really gotta magical spell
* And it’s workin' so well that l can’t getaway
* l'm a lucky fell a and l just gotta tell her
* That love her endlessly
* Because love grows where my Rosemary goes
* And nobody knows like me
* lt is true, everything she's been through
* And nobody knows like me
* If you met her you'd never forget her
* And nobody knows like me
(* ''Comfort Eagle')
* We are building a religion, we are building it bigger
* We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes
* We are building a religion, a limited edition
* We are now accepting callers for these pendant key chains
* To resist it is useless, it is useless to resist it
* His cigarette is burning but he never seems to ash
* He is grooming his poodle, he is living comfort eagle
* You can meet at his location but you better come with cash
* Now his hat is on backwards, he can show you his tattoos
* He is in the music business, he is calling you ''Dude!''
* Now today is tomorrow, and tomorrow today
* And yesterday is weaving in and out, out, out
* And the fluffy white lines that the airplane leaves behind
* Are drifting right in front of the waning of the moon
* He is handling the money, he's serving the food
* He knows about your party, he is calling you ''Dude!''
* Now do you believe in the one big sign?
* The doublewide shine on the boot heels of your prime
* Doesn't matter if you're skinny, doesn't matter if you're fat
* You can dress up like a sultan in your onion-headhat
* We are building a religion, we are making a brand
* We're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
* Take a bite of this apple, Mr Corporate Events
* Take a walk through the jungle of card board shanties and tents
* Some people drink Pepsi, some people drink Coke
* The wacky morning DJ says democracy's a joke
* He says ''Now do you believe in the one big song?''
* He's now accepting callers who would like to sing along
* He says ''Do you believe in the one true edge
* By fastening your safety belts and stepping towards the ledge?''
* He is handling the money, he is serving the food
* He is now accepting callers, he is calling me ''Dude!''
* Do you believe in the one big sign?
* The doublewide shine on the boot heels of your prime
* There's no need to ask directions if you ever lose your mind
* We're behind you, we're behind you, and let us please remind you
* We can send a car to find you if you ever lose your way
(* ''l Think Of You'' by ivy)
* l think of you
* Wherever you may go
* l know that you are only one dream away
* So don’t give up, baby
* Don’t give in
* If we try, we can begin again
* l know what we've been through
* But l still think of you
* l think of you
* Whenever l get down
* Whenever l get weary
* l think of you
* When you're not around
* l wonder if you hear me call out your name
* So don’t give up, baby
* Don’t give in
* If we try, we can begin again
* l know what we've been through
* But l still think of you
* l think of you
* Whenever l get down
* Whenever l get weary
* l think of you
Hey, kid. How 'bout these Rossi boots? Do they fit Iike a gIove or what?